Thursday, 26 December 2013

The year that went by...

Me and my friend have this ritual every new year. We welcome the new year by analyzing the year that passed. This year has been a very happening year in my life. It has quite turned my life in many ways. Sadly, I wont be sharing this ritual with my friend this year.

I welcomed the new year with hopes and happiness but my happiness was rather short lived. My new year started with a summons to the court where my husband had filed for the dissolution of our marriage. For having put up with his abuse and abandonment I thought I at least deserved an explanation. I wondered why it even bothered me that he had abandoned me, when it was in many ways a blessing in disguise. I have never felt as helpless and hopeless as I have felt in this entire year. There are so many things that I have come to hate in this one year and a few things where my pride has dissolved. I used to pride myself on being a girl; I really cannot understand where this came from because now I know how much of a disadvantage I have been in for being a girl. Although its my H who deserted me, I have become the one who's become answerable to all and sundry. From the laundry man to the lawyer, from the neighbor next door to relatives across the globe everyone's curious on what I did wrong. Oh come on, she's the wife so she must be wrong. A woman can win it all but her H abandoned her. She surely did not have enough in her to win. This must be the only time a woman or her prowess is glorified beyond what is actually true. And no, these are not those dumb, gossip loving people. They are these educated, broad minded people of today who want to find solutions!!! Solutions my foot!!! If it was all so simple. All the pretense in the world cannot hide this sadistic hunger. And here I was proudly proclaiming that I was proud to be a girl. Maybe I hadn’t seen the world. I was also a diehard patriotic, I wondered why people left our country and never wanted to come back. I think I had only begun to understand the reasons with the Nirbhaya tragedy. This is a country full of hypocrites with utter disrespect for women. I should know cos I have experienced it myself. My husband and in-laws were abusive to me and how easy it was for them to get away with all of it. For all the hype and hooplah about Indian laws favoring women, they must not have lost a second's sleep. All you need is some bribe and you can get away with just about anything here. Want to inflict maximum damage on a woman? Oh! the Indian legal system is all you need. Just keep the cases dragging for years. They do not mind wasting lakhs and lakhs of rupees on lawyer’s fees and court fees but they just cannot settle things and get done with. To hell with your money. Why would anyone want to even come back to this country where women are nothing more than toys, where she has to fight for even the right to simply live and breathe, leave alone live in peace. And here we are, proud of having a mars mission when a sizeable portion of half its population live in fear and die a million deaths everyday at the hands of its culture, legal system, police forces and society. Shame on us really!! They say we worship women in form of goddesses. I think we only worship greed - greed for money and strength which are granted by goddesses. If it wasn’t Lakshmi who granted wealth, I wonder if she would even exist for our society. We blog, we argue, we discuss yet nothing changes. People raise noises about women empowerment, yet do not bat an eyelid while ill treating their maid or defining a woman by her relationships. Definitely, we do not practice what we preach. Anyways having experienced this bad world first hand, I have definitely learnt a whole lot of valuable lessons.

Well an year is quite a long stretch of time and it cant be all bad, can it be? There have been some happy experiences that I have had too. I have found a friend - halfway across the globe and in a manner I least expected. Someone who understands my issues just as well as I do and constantly keeps me positive. My best friend got married to her long time boyfriend and moved continents to happily settle in with her new husband. Its time for me to take a backseat in her life and so will my new year ritual. I have been writing this blog and have read some exceptionally positive ones that have kept me sane. In this adversity I have found some new friends - people with similar problems who are willing to help even though they do not know you. More than anything I have discovered my resilience - I may have been through hell but I have survived - with a lot of help from expected and unexpected quarters. I was a mess when the year started, I can still remember how much I had cried in fear of having to face the barrage of lies that my H was throwing at me in the court, yet today I have grown into this person who can say I have to deal with this, so deal I will. And I have done this while keeping my routine intact. Yes there are days of unprecedented gloom but I have hung on. Hope is something that I am still working on installing into myself but that's something that Ill hopefully achieve this year ;-) After all the world is beckoning towards a new start.

Happy new year!!!

Wednesday, 30 October 2013

New Day and New Beginnings

Here comes a new day 
With hope and plenty of gay.
Yesterday is past,
And tomorrow isn't here.
Let's enjoy the present day.
With prayer I start,
May all obstacles be overcome
And all happiness welcome.
Let me find joy in little things.
In giving, let my heart sing. 
Sorrows, let them be forgotten.
Fear, let it stay at bay.
With new hopes and aspirations,
Let there be lots of joy.
Begin again another day,
To new hopes and new beginnings, pave the way.

Sunday, 27 October 2013

A Ground Breaking Ad - Tanishq

This is one ad that I would love everyone to watch again and again.
Shows a single mom's marriage breaking the Indian stereotypes of one man for several lifetimes.
Shows love in its purest and truest form!!!

Hope its played several times on TV, especially in between those regressive Indian soaps where love is so conditional and superficial.

Romantic and sweet.. Anybody would love to have a husband like this one..
Hats off to the creator!!!

Friday, 11 October 2013

Keep the Corrupt Away from Parliament

In a country of billion plus people like India, it is sad that a whole lot of our rulers are criminals. A lot has been said and done about controlling it but most have borne no fruit. Here's my take on how we can protect our parliament from becoming a jail:

  1. Do not allow anyone other than the elected lawmakers to enter the parliament. This means no guards, no security. All guards and security are to stay outside. Afterall they are only with their harmless fellow members.
  2. Allow all lawmakers to carry their weapons of choice. They need some sense of security, right?
  3. Keep the parliament free from scrutiny of all kinds - electronic or otherwise. What happens in parliament, stays in parliament unless its a matter of national importance. Nobody gets to see the ugly fights that happens inside.
  4. Any crime that is committed inside the four walls of the parliament is not punishable.
  5. Attendance of all session is compulsory for all members. Members who do not attend any session will lose all power for 30 days.
What I expect to happen:

With the parliament filled with more and more criminals, there will be very little civil discussions inside the parliament and more of armed fights causing destruction of life. And there are freebies too cos anyone can murder anyone and still not be tried in court or punished. Since there's no scrutiny, all eye-witness accounts can be dismissed as "rumors spread by opposition". Clean image, clean records but scores settled. Seeing, how in the past, our politicians boiling with rage, have very little control over themselves, casualities can be expected. The parliament will become a battle ground for all criminals to settle scores or amuse themselves or to practice their killing skills :-) With power comes money and with money comes more money and by not attending sessions, they will be stopping their well oiled money generating machinery. Oh!! Poor them!! What a pain it must be to attend every one of those Parliament sessions :-( Going inside the parliament will be nothing short of walking into a death trap, each must fight to come out alive. Oh is there just no solution for our poor lawmakers. Yes there is - like in reality shows they must somehow stop the hardened criminals from becoming members of parliament cos their lives are at stake each time they attend the closed door sessions. They have to choose the people least criminally inclined to take seats beside them so that their lives are somewhat safe thereby increasing demand of such non-criminal members.

What say? Give it a try?? :-)

Thursday, 10 October 2013

Day of sorrow or day of liberation

Today was supposed to be an all important day in my life. The judgement day. I vividly remember the day I was married, I was a bag of mixed emotions - happy, excited, worried, relieved, jubilant. Today is another such day but while that was a happy mix, today is a not so happy mix. I am happy but I am worried too.. There is a sense of finality but its nothing that I wanted. May be somewhere deep down I was waiting for a miracle, a magic wand that would set everything right. The if only's haunt me. I have been fighting the battle for freedom, the battle for hope for a very very long time now on a directionless path and now when the direction is crystal clear I find myself longing for the other direction. I am tired, I am exhausted and today it almost seems like a curse that I am in this position. I do not know if the pieces of my life are falling apart or they are falling in place, but falling they are.

Saturday, 21 September 2013

Protector or Murderer!!

Its a gloomy weekend and I wake up later than normal. As I walk sleepy eyed, I pick up the newspaper to read whats making news. The news on front page not only ensures that I sit up, but also that I shiver in fear. The headlines say techie jumps after stabbing his wife to death. I switch on the TV to get more info. The couple are both techies employed with software firms, have a daugther, a house in a nice locality in a pleasant city and possibly a lot of comfort that money cany buy. Much like me...
What forces educated people to commit such heinous crimes? Arent they supposed to be smart, intelligent, have good exposure to the world. They even have the luxury of professional help and therapy and yet they go out there and throw it all away and give in to crime. I shudder when I think of what the wife must be going through when her husband was stabbing her repeatedly. Was she feeling fear or disbelief or anger or betrayal or was she worried about the fate of their daughter? Had she not expected anything of the kind or was this her nightmare that she feared every living moment? Had her husband been the abusive kind or was he simply as brutal as Brutus - a murderer in the guise of a life partner.
Being in an abusive marriage myself, such incidents scare the hell out of me. I often wonder had I stayed in the marriage, would this be the fate I would meet? Would the man who had taken vows to love and cherish me, to protect and honour me till death did us apart bring death to me with his own hands? In India, a marriage is supposed to last not just one lifetime but seven, then, would I possibly end up with this murderer and his sins even beyond death? Is there really no escape? Death and murder are terrible whether in cold blood or in rage but a murder of this kind forces us to rethink where we put our trusts. Can we possibly trust our husband of many years, will the person we want to grow old with allow us to atleast grow old and not snatch the gift of life from us, young?

My heart goes out to the daughter of the couple and the family of the wife. Apparently the last thing the wife did before she was murdered was to meet her dad on his birthday. I hope and pray that the family find the strength to get over this tragic incident.

Tuesday, 27 August 2013


Compilation of my most fav thoughts converted to status messages:

Being lonely has nothing to do with being alone but everything to do with being surrounded with the wrong people!!
We don’t see things as they are, we see things as we are...
If all the love of the world is not enough and all you need is one persons love, then all your eggs are in one basket.

Make a wise investment. Invest in yourself.

The only independence is emotional independence.


Before you embark on a journey of revenge, dig two graves. - Confucius


Guilt is the fiercest manifestation of fear. Fear of not being right.


Right action or wrong action. Any action is better than no action. Act!!


Crime begins at home. Say NO to abuse and exploitation.